SHOCK

I had the WORST dream last night, you know those dreams which you swear are real & you wake up the next morning whole heartedly believeing that your dream was a factual event?

I had one, I woke up this morning & jumped straight out of bed because i completely believed the boyfriend had cheated on me, on a beach, in summer with a girl that i went to school with & is now up the duff.

He laughed so hard because during summer we spent every single day together holidaying, travelling etc, but it was a complete mind fuck.

a song i was listening to;

...When i got fight in these roses
I still cant be scared
I got stones in my pockets
I still can be shared
I got you in my heart
To make this all harder
I will stay addicted to you
I will stay addicted to you...

Gin Wigmore; These Roses

I fell in love with it, its beautiful.

just a girl.

Guess what?!
12 days until my Latin Dancing classes start!

I know this is all a it depressing, i used to be a ballerina, a completely thin, graceful, paid to dance ballerina while i was still in highschool & then fresh out.
But i was injured, like really injured.

So, i decided that while i still want to dance, i dont want to have to start from the basics in ballet again, that would just be the MOST patronising torture in the WORLD!!

Contemporary?? no schools around here offer them for 20 year old former pro dancers, id be stuck in a class full of old ladies being taught by someone who is less qualified then me..

I HAD AN EPIPHANY!!

what dance style can you start from at an older age?? LATIN!
what dance style is offered within a close distance to UNI & home? LATIN!
what dance style wont care about my intensive ballet training? LATIN!!

LATIN! LATIN! LATIN!

So im doing it!

im so excited, ive got the shoes, ive got the brand spanking new gym bag & know what else i am so UBER excited about???

THAT... between dancing twice a week, going to the gym for weights tree times a week, doing yoga once a week & running every single morning, ILL LOSE MORE WEIGHT!!

oh, speaking of weight, ive started to get well paranoid again...
relapse??
ive never been completely well before to know what a relapse feels like...

oh, fuck it. i obviously dont care, in all honesty, if i did care if i was relapsing i prolly wouldnt have fasted hahaha, theres logic for ya.

know what else is a mind fuck?

i was at a train station today & i saw a space on the seat between two old ladies, they moth motioned to me that the seat was free, but i looked at it & thought 'no way will i fit in there, my hips are way too big"
but they motioned again & i figured if i was so wide i was basically sitting on them i would just stand up till the train came...
so...
i sat down & there was room for a WHOLE other person to sit next to me & THEY DID!

it was a booming mind warp!!

Myy

BOYFRIEND nearly shat a brick!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

seriously, i was on ebay (which i would gladny pro create with if it grew a d*** & gave me booze) & the boy (bless) asked what i was doing.

WELL, i told him all about this AMAZING product i bought & how well it would work & he burst out laughing at me..

maybe i should have pretended i bought something alot more exciting than 99c slimming toe ring magnets from hong kong...

oops, i did it again..

in a true testiment to myself as a being incapable of continuing any commitment that does not include sex or vodka, i completely neglected the blog.
oh no..
although, i have been thinking about it, its just that not much has been happening to report. im currently on uni holidays now.. well, i at least hope i am because i havent been going...

here is a letter i have been working on.


Dear Mr. Bus Driver,

i am a student, this is obvious because your company picks me up daily from outside my UWS campus. This means i did my HSC, scored well enough for an entry to university & am engaged in full time study!

DONT CALL ME AN IDIOT!!!

i forgot to rip my ticket out of the machine ONCE!

at least i dont spend my days driving the same route over 18 times per day in some shameful bid at earning an income. YOU DRIVE OLD PEOPLE AROUND, YOU ARE OVER WEIGHT, YOU SMELL & I TOLERATE YOUR DISGUSTING, UNEVEN BEARD!

so, why, after all of this do you still call me an idiot? i didnt call you a dumb wanker when you gave me the wrong change, i was POLITE & reminded myself that you probably didnt even complete year 9 maths!

FUCK YOU BUS DRIVER!!

your sincerely.

University Life & All That Jazz.

So, im a student at university.
I know the connotations; hard work, assignments, all nighters, studying, books, scholars, huge lecture halls...

well, today i made a collage & got captured by the ozone layer.

sounds exciting huh?
not what i expected to learn at uni.

the collage was actually pretty liberating though, we had to flip through a magazine so quickly & rip out all images that we though were applicable to our question, mine was; what influences my creativity?/how do i express my creativity?

ill post up my collage & its analysis soon.

the next class i have is about the environment... obviously.
in short, i really did just run around in a goofy looking headband & get captured by another person in a goofy looking headband....

i wasnt really paing attention.

Seja (Portuguese Origins)

v. be, exist; go

Definitions;

be (be; unstressed bi)
instransitive verb
was or were, been, be'-ing
1. to exist or be true

ex-ist (eg zist)
intransitive verb
1. be; to be, especially to be a real, actual, or current thing
2. live; to be alive
3. occur; to be present


I struggle to know who I am, but I have just realised that I like this better, I find myself more interesting, more willing to accept the present & less scared of the future.
I like organisation, but love being; living, I think I may have just just found my very happy medium.


be-ing (bee-ing)
1. existence; the state of existing
2. essential nature; somebody's essential nature or character